An Adventure of a Cure

So my birthday party actually went off without a hitch, amazingly, but I got a migraine headache the next day. The next day happened to be my actual fortieth birthday. What the hell? Was it due to some unacknowledged stress about turning forty? About having a party? Was it a brand new brain tumor? Was it a message from God? If so, what did it mean? There is no way of knowing. I took some very very strong drugs with all kinds of warnings all over them. I took three, actually, which was two more than recommended. It worked well enough to get me into the "alternative therapies" stage of panicked problem solving.

I went to a chiropractor. Boy have chiropractors changed. I thought they just cracked your back. What a fool I am! I told him my problem and my fear that I was about to embark on a new and scary life adventure called Being a Person Who Has Migraines. He said he had the solution for me: cold laser therapy. He had me sit on a machine that is like a bicycle for your arms. There is the bicycle seat, and you pedal with your arms. It opens up something. Okay. Then he took this device that fits over my ears and comes in front of my face and sprays oxygen into my nose. Okay, oxygen is good. I'm arm-bicycling and breathing oxygen. Meanwhile a troop of slack-jawed mentally challenged people came striding through the office, and sat, staring at me, awaiting their own turn for alternative therapy. This added a new dimension to the thing.Then he took this little hand-held device that was on a brightly colored twirly plastic string and used it to point silent lasers at my forehead. All this was going on at once. I kept arm-pedaling. After a while he told me I was done. 

I went home. I felt better! I really did. Much better, in fact. But later that day I felt worse again, so I went back. He said he'd nail that headache once and for all. He had me sit in a glide-rocker and took this device that was like a lamp-postwith all these tiny arms sticking out that could be posed in different positions. A little rectangular laser-producing box was at the end of each arm. It was a very 1950's-space-alien kind of thing.

He pointed the lasers at my forehead, my sinuses, my ears, my temples, everything. I sat there with the lasers on me and my eyes closed. At one point I moved and saw all these red lights flashing through my eyelids. I got hypnotized, then decided I was probably going to go blind if I didn't put my head back where it was before. 

It was my own personal science fiction movie. I was the star of it and it was wierd. It worked though. So hey, if you ever have a migraine, go to a chiropractor that does cold laser therapy. It's an adventure of a cure!